I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
