My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize