I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
