That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
