I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
