your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My vagina just recognized that song.
a search helicopter?!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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