she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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