drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
