I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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