There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My ATM looks so different sober.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
