new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is the high leading the old right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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