apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I will pee on everything he values.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
