and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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