my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
