Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
