She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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