her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
