I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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