That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
