u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
