If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
