so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
