So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
