I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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