No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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