Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
