She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
