she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
