I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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