Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He felt like a one man threesome
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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