i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Panties = found
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
