would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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