we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
