If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
