Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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