i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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