i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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