the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
