I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
