I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
