At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
