I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
