Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
