So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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