They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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