he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
