A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
