my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
