Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
