I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
