Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
