i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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