u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
