I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
