In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
