yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
