im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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