When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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