Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
