a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
