Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
