My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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