I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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