I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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