I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.