So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.