i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin