thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.