i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.