dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
