plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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