I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
