The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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