I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
