just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
there is puke in my bra ... again
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
