a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
