we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
