U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
