If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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