bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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