when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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